Wednesday, 11 November 2009

LAW REPORT : WBF v. BIGOT-JOHNSON, PUN, DR. JOHN AND CARP.... Yet another attempt by the WBF to rein in the editorial licence of the much maligned blog bizarrebridgeworld. This particular attempt involved a private prosecution, where the four accused were alleged to have committed a century's old common law crime........ of conspiring to bring a highly respectable institution and game into disrepute. The trial was heard at the Old Bailey before a learned judge and a packed courtroom. However, the proceedings were over in a matter of minutes as the following transcript reveals:
  • Judge : " How do each of the defendants plead....? "
  • B-J : " May I confer with my co-accused ? "
  • Judge : " If you must..."

( After a prolonged discussion and the shaking of hands all four defendants gave a plea of "not guilty" in unison. )

  • WBF : "Are you all contributors to this infamous, vile and pernicious blog called Bizarrebridgeworld ? "
  • B-J : " Yes.."
  • WBF : " Do you accept that your blog has made hundreds of statements designed to show up the world of bridge in an exceedingly bad light ? "
  • B-J : " That's not the way we see it. Our aim is to expose both the lighter....and darker.... side of the game. "
  • WBF : " Well, that not the way bridge unions around the world see it. They are alarmed by its content. They believe their members are outraged and distressed..... shocked and angry at what they have read."
  • B-J : " .....That just reflects what a fickle, fuddy-duddy, fussy load of old fogeys they all are. Have they no sense of humour whatsoever."
  • WBF : " Well, there you go again......with your snipes and insults.... but now is the time to move onto the real essence of the crime, which is the conspiracy........Therefore, answer me this.....Have you ever been involved in any discussions or plans with any of the co-accused which set out to crucify the game of bridge, and/or its governing bodies ? "

( Another huddle is formed where views are quickly exchanged and decisions agreed upon. )

  • B-J : " No....absolutely not. We never meet face-to-face, and we all act independently of each other, sitting at our computers, in our separate bedroom-studies, randomly submitting material on a blog we all know the password to."
  • WBF : " Excuse me !.....But what about these two episodes of conferring here is in this court ? "
  • B-J : " On both occasions we were simultaneously talking to ourselves..............out loud it seems! "
  • WBF : " But is not not the case you are widely known as... the gang of 4 ? "
  • B-J : " We were once a team of four that managed to lift the prized Turnip Trophy at the Walnut Tree Allotment BC in 2004 in a field of three.......but might I point out at this juncture that we do meet on occasions, but only by chance, if we happened to turn up at the same event. Obviously, we chat and exchange views on a variety of bridge-related subjects. So even if our grumbles, moans, and whinges coincided, or were shared in some way, that doesn't mean we were conspiring to take the piss out of bridge. For instance, do you object to the way governments deceive us with their lies ? "
  • WBF : " Yes "
  • H-J : " Well, I do too. But does that now mean we are conspiring to take action against such deceitful and corrupt governments ? I think not. "
  • WBF : " I see your point. "
  • Judge : " And so do I....there appears no evidence whatsoever to establish a conspiracy involving the accused. They seem to me a group of anonymous and insignificant writers, of little or no skill whatsoever, who all share the same warped, twisted, jaundiced and prejudiced view of the bridge world. But there's nothing to suggest that they have ever acted together, to support a conspiracy theory. Therefore, there is no case to answer and so I'm bringing this trial to a speedy end.

( Immediately, all four men in the dock embraced one other, utterly overwhelmed by a combination of unbridled joy and immense relief. )

  • B-J: " Thank you, your Honour....and if you don't mind we 're just heading off to the pub across the road .........being the first stage of our pre-planned victory celebration. "

( Seconds later, as they were marching their way... in perfect step....out of the courtroom, one observant commentator noticed that they were all wearing the same coloured shirts under their jackets. )

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