DR. JOHN'S CASE NOTES : OVA LOADUS BOOTIS

Not so long ago I wrote about a disorder known as Infla Tedego, but new research has uncovered an interesting variant, which has been given a revised name of Ova Loadus Bootis. Originally labelled bridgus grandiose, this particular affliction has a distinct set of symptoms, which if observed by others makes them feel nauseous and sick. Bridge players who are most likely to succumb to this disorder are the big money sponsors, who hire professionals to be their partners, or join their teams, achieving both status and success as a result.

Not once do they ever stop to think these glorious achievements are purely down to those they pay, preferring instead to love the image of themselves as an equal. Could anything be further from the truth. The notion that they could have possibly played a key part (say) in the team's success becomes absurd.

The two most obvious symptoms are (1) grossly inflated egos, and (2) feet that begin to grow in size at an alarmingly rate. So much so, their grotesquely swollen feet become too big for their boots. All too often their smug self-congratulatory smiles are wiped off their faces, as pain shoots up both legs whenever they stand up or walk anywhere. Inevitably, victims with this condition have to divert much of their money into buying specially-made elasticated shoes that can accommodate any additional foot growth. Indeed, many have seen walking around in flipper-size shoes with splits everywhere, and rather large fat toes protruding out of exposed over-stretched, hole-ridden socks. A most unpleasant site.

The self-delusions that victims have of themselves, contrast differently with how others view them from outside. Their bridge ability may well be good ( but never that good ), but it is their vanity which triumphs over realism. They feel compelled to present themselves as belonging to the same category of players as the extremely talented professionals. As one psycho-analyst observed about one of his clients " their egos write cheques their talent can never cash ".