BIGOT'S VERY OWN HALL OF FAME IDEA HITS THE ROCKS........... ( Following lengthy correspondence by letter, Bigot has had a major rethink on his proposed HOF )

Dear Bigot, What right do you have making yourself an honorary member in the World's Best Players Hall of Fame ? Please do enlighten me as to what you have accomplished as a bridge player ? Yours wanting to know Percy Pantopod

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Dear Percy, I won the World Junior Teams Championships for 3 consecutive years ( 1971-3 ), playing alongside such greats as Freddie Flywheel, Sylvester Shyster and Billy Boy Bunko. We were awesome. Yours feeling very smug at this moment Bigot

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Dear Bigot, Well I've never heard of these characters ? What on earth has happened to them since ? Yours wanting to know more Percy

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Dear Percy, Freddie Flywheel was a grand master at reading the cards.....or at least the backs of them. His best friend was a top designer for a major card manufacturer, until he was sacked after being caught marking the cards. As for Freddie he turned his back on bridge for the lucrative pickings of the poker world. However, after fleecing his opponents, he unwisely accepted their offer of a lift home.....and he was never seen again. Sylvester of course was renown for his trick pulling ability, but his over-confidence got the better of him. After pulling one trick too many, a disgruntled client broke every bone in his body, and poor Sylvester paralysed from the neck down is now confined to a life in a wheel chair. And as for Billy Boy Bunko, he went down for the "Swindle of the Century", and is still serving time in prison. Such wonderful team-mates...such tragic lives. Yours with a tear in my eye Bigot

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Dear Bigot, It seems to me that your team-mates were both reprobates and cheats. Indeed, these revelations certainly undermine your credentials as a " top player ". It would be a travesty of justice to allow you to stand alongside the truly great players of our time. So what else have you achieved in bridge, hopefully with players who you could describe as highly ethical and honest ? I would love to know. Yours increasingly concerned, Percy

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Dear Percy, How dare you question my credentials. Hell, I've won plenty of trophies in my time, most of which were picked up at the Walnut Tree Allotment BC congresses. Here I partnered some of the best bridge players in England today. ( Mind you their hire fees were a bit steep ). Names like Curly Coxcomb, Martin Milquetoast, Ivor Inky-Pinky, Melvin Mundungus, Horatio Nudnick, Quinten Quicksilver, and not forgetting Willie Whangdoodle. Surely, you must have heard of them ? Yours still feeling a little smug, Bigot

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Dear Bigot, I've checked these names out and none of them have even attained regional master status. Moreover, the Walnut Tree Allotment events rarely get fields of any size, perhaps four tables at best. You Bigot are a disreputable and most objectionable man. The only thing great about you is your infamy. Yours ashamed even to know you, Percy

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Dear Percy, You're absolutely right. I must drop this silly notion of me belonging in a HOF without ever having that label of greatness being placed upon me. But you dear Percy Pantopod have changed all that. You have acknowledged my greatness.And therefore, I am going to set up instead...... the Howard Bigot Johnson's World's Best Players Hall of Infamy......... a Hall in which I'm definitely worthy of a place. Yours forever in your debt Bigot