Bigot-Johnson, a regular player at the Walnut Tree Allotment BC, appeared before Doncaster Crown Court charged with causing grievous bodily harm ( with intent ) to Percy Pantopod, a fellow club member. Just before the judge directed the jury to go away and return a verdict, he turned to Bigot to ask if he had any final words to say to the court.
Bigot, who had elected to conduct his own defence, stood up and replied : " M'Lud....may I just bring to the court's attention once again, that what I did to Percy was out of chivalry and good manners. Since when was it a crime to open a door to help him pass through ? "
The judge looked long and hard at Bigot before pointing out a critical observation. " I'm not disputing the fact you opened the door for Percy to make his timely exit, but I think you are overlooking the fact that the car you were travelling in was doing 70 mph at the time....."
Not surprisingly Bigot was found guilty. only to be given a 180 hour community service order to teach bridge to delinquent kids banged up in a nearby remand centre.