Thursday, 14 October 2010

CARP'S CORNER.......................
Victor Mollo may well have lampooned bridge players as animals, and here on this blog I have already satirised players' peculiar quirks and behavioural traits as incredibly bird-like........well, let me tell you that insects offer far more scope in identifying the stereo-types we so often come across in this bizarre world of bridge. So let's just look at a few examples to see exactly what I mean.
Ant - a busy and reliable type of bridge player, but one that operates only in a routine way
Bee - a relatively harmless player capable of delivering one effective sting only
Grasshopper - someone that flits ( hops) from one partner to another
Mosquito - a deadly sort who loves to bite and cause serious damage
Earwig - despicable cheat who listens in to post mortem discussions on other nearby tables to elicit crucial information about hands soon to be played
Centipede - one who turns up at the bridge table with a 100+ conventions on his/her system card
Grub - after bridge, food is their only other passion
Dung beetle - whatever happens in the bidding this player always lands in the shit
Leech - a hanger-on who fails take a hint: a wretched partner you can never get rid of
Worm - an ambitious creep who tries to burrow his/her way into teams way above his/her class
Stag-beetle - a male chauvinistic type
Cockroach - a despicable type of player who everyone would love to step on and crush at the table
Louse - an unkempt scruffy individual
Ladybird - a very attractive female club member
Spider - a cunning type who sets bidding traps that catches out the unwary fly bidders time and time again
Nit - a complete fool at the game
Flea - an irritating player, often capable of performing clever tricks , but easy to combat
Caterpillar - a young starlet destined to perform on the big stage
Preying mantis - the deadly expert, renown for his highly developed predatory instincts
Scorpion - not a person to mess around with at the bridge table, always ready to strike when opponents doze off
Greenfly - a beginner
Daddy-longlegs - an absent male club member, whose unfortunate parenting duties have taken precedence over bridge
Fluke - a player of no real skill but a winner nevertheless, seemingly blessed with endless good luck
Tick - a cautious bidder who always makes the contract exactly, often squandering in the process countless opportunities for easy overtricks

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