Percy : What do you want Bigot.....knocking on my door this time of morning ?
B-J : Listen Percy I need your help.....as editor of the bridge club newsletter I have a duty to provide the membership with a bit of interesting gossip and tittle tattle .......... they get fed up reading about problem bridge hands, and write-ups about the same old people adding even more goddamn trophies to their list of successes. Anyway, I believe your good wife has just died, and everyone was always impressed by the way she kept you firmly under her thumb.
Percy : Yes....that's true
B-J : So I thought.....I'd just do a little piece on her........just a few inches so to speak
Percy : Hmmm...I'd rather you didn't
B-J : Look....I'm a bit strapped for material ....... no one has submitted any problem hands..... the last two club competitions have been cancelled for lack of interest...... and members generally are too apathetic to even consider putting pen to paper
Percy : Well.....if you must
B-J : Heaven's above......what a tip this house is in........ it's a disgrace ........mind you, death's a damn good excuse to bunk off the housework.......isn't it ? Why....if my wife were to drop dead, my life at home would be a whole lot easier.
Percy : Would you like a drink ?
B-J : Depends on what she died of .....if it's anything catching, I'd rather not bother
Percy : It was her heart you know.........it was all very sudden.......right in the middle of a game of rubber bridge..
B-J : How inconsiderate of her.....but tell me.....did she slump forward in her chair, or keel over sideways and crash to the floor in a hideous and grosteque fashion
Percy : I can't recall....but I know she spilt a glass of expensive red wine in the process
B-J : What a waste......and oh yes...I can see that horrible red stain on your carpet over there. I bet you could have killed her for that ?
Percy : Yes...I was a bit miffed....the carpet cost me a small fortune, and it had only been down a week
B-J : Oh by the way, I've brought with me a photographer and a look-a-like replcement for your wife. Would it be alright if she could re-enact the moment when your wife was in the throes of death ?A photo of that would really jazz up the obituary section of the newsletter.
Percy : Well, I suppose so......
B-J : And it might work quite well if you could include yourself in the picture...... jumping out of your seat looking really distraught and upset.....
Percy : Sorry....I've changed my mind.....you can all sod off...... good-day..... and good riddance !
B-J : Bugger.....
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