DR. JOHN'S CASE NOTES : BILANBEN SYNDROME

Of all the known mental disorders which affect male bridge players, the Bilanben Syndrome is by far the most distressing one to observe.
Whenever two identical woodentop players pair up the syndrome locks in. All victims with this condition share the same common characteristics : precious little skill and technique, a complete lack of awareness of what is really happening around them, and the inability to recognise their own or their partner's mistakes. Moreover, their bridge table talk is of an unintelligible language, which is aptly named " oddle puddle ", after it was first discovered on a children's TV programme back in the 1950's. For example " flobadob " means winning a trick by trumping. 
Inevitably, in every post mortem discussion of a bad board, players reveal the classic symptoms associated with this disorder. Both strive in vain to figure out what mistakes had been made, and who was responsible for them ? Was it Bill or was it Ben ? By never reaching any verdict or decision as to who should carry the can, it is always left to bemused and disbelieving listeners to figure out who was at fault.
Should their inept analysis of a previous hand lead to a petty squabble, opponents are often forced to call for the TD to help bring back a measure of sanity and calm to the proceedings.
However, once the syndrome affected players hear the footsteps of the fast approaching director, they simply dive under the table to hide away. 

In short,  the Bilanben Syndrome magnifies and heightens the many appalling traits found in mediocre bridge players : selective blindness,  self-denial ,  self-delusion, indecisiveness, and the inability to reflect in a sensible and rational way.