LAW REPORT : PATRICIA PANTOPOD v. BIGOT-JOHNSON AND OTHERS ( 2013)

( Yet another Pantopod went sent packing after been being disciplined for not wearing her crash helmet during play, which given the high incidence of flying bridgemates was viewed as a serious breach of the club's health and safety rules. The plaintiff was now claiming wrongful expulsion on the grounds that she received the ban without ever having the opportunity to represent herself before the sentence was carried out.  Bigot of course chose to act as counsel for the defence . A short extract from the trial's transcript can be seen below. )

Bigot : Who's the next witness for the plaintiff ?
Judge : " Painless " Peter Potter
( Witness takes the stand )
Bigot : I don't know you from Adam.....but you're certainly not a member of the Slaughter House Bridge Club 
Witness : Too damn right I'm not.....I'm no fool
Bigot : So you claim to be an expert on this thorny subject of disciplinary procedures ?
Witness : I would like to think so...
Bigot : Well, let's hear what you have to say then....
Witness : It seems blatantly obvious that you cannot ban a player without first giving him or her an initial hearing to state their defence...  or question the evidence laid against them   
Bigot : Excuse me you smart arse, namby pamby, lardy dah, pompous git.......our constitution entitles the committee to suspend any need for a hearing if it is apparent there would be no point in giving her one !
Witness : Oh dear....you are so wrong. There happens to be a much higher authority which goes beyond your constitution.....one to which your committee should have adhered to. This categorically states that a disciplinary process will be flawed " if the member did not have an adequate opportunity to represent himself....or if the process in the club's constitution was not fully adhered to ". Where the process can be established as flawed the decision to expel the member should have been set aside. Then the club should either deal with the matter correctly, or go to the county association to do it afresh.
Bigot : Excuse me Mr. Know-It-All......just who the bleedin' hell are you ?
Witness : Secretary of the EBU Law and Ethics Committee
Bigot : Oh.........but hang on on mo.......that bitch of a woman did get a hearing when she came up before club's carefully vetted appeal panel
Witness : So what you're saying then is that she did get a hearing after all ?
Bigot : Yes....yes....she did.....she did
Witness : But that was like a student failing a written exam before she even sat it.........but then when she took the exam the original mark still stood
Bigot : What a tosser you are ........I've had enough of your clever dick observations.......now you can go back to whatever hole you crawled out from....