BIGOT-JOHNSON'S INVALUABLE GUIDE ON HOW TO BE THE PERFECT CLUB MEMBER ( or how to keep a hold on your membership )

1.  Know your place in the pecking order ......and be happy to stay there
2.  Never be seen or heard making critical remarks about committee members
3.  Be fearful and reluctant to ask searching questions 
4.  Become a devoted disciple of the three monkeys 
5.  Possess an unshakable faith that those in authority and power know best 
6.  Keen to march in tune to the sound of a beating drum
7.  Loyal and supportive to the committee to the bitter end 
8.  Quick to bury your head in the sand if awkward situations arise
9.   When shenanigans are going on around you, happy to see it as the norm
10. Able to live in an environment where bedlam , chaos and lunacy rule
11. Sensible enough not to raise your head above the parapet , especially when bullets have   
      your name engraved upon them
12.  Willing to place compliance and obedience above any notions of resistance and rebellion
13. Eager to develop the art of grovelling and all manner of sycophantic arse-licking behaviour 
14. Always prepared to drown yourself in a cocktail of apathy , ignorance and inertia
15. In the event of ever being " shafted " , happy to give a warm smile and say " thank you "
16. Unperturbed and laid back about attending crowded, well orchestrated AGMs held in 
      pitch black rooms 
17. Philosophical and understanding about the imposition of ultra-strict zero tolerancerules
      and restrictions on free speech  
18. Always keen to step forward and donate generously to any fund raising scams dreamt up 
      by the committee
19.  A willingness to accept there's only ever one side to a story , namely the committee's
20.  And when things go belly up , quick to take responsibility and shoulder the blame 
       ( by claiming that the committee were nothing more than humble servants, acting on behalf
       of those who voted them in )