BIGOT-JOHNSON'S LATEST BATCH OF AWARDS FOR SLAUGHTER HOUSE BC MEMBERS TO GET REALLY SNIFFY ABOUT............
Bigot has always been an inquisitive sort of man , keen to poke his nose into the affairs of other bridge clubs and the kinds of awards they choose to give their members. With little to show for his research effects , he then miraculously had a flash of real inspiration. Why not have a whole load of NOSE AWARDS......to celebrate the shortcomings and failings of The Human Condition ......which of course are endemic within any bridge club membership !
1. Keep One's Nose Clean Awards.....for committee members most skilled in avoiding any suspicion of malpractice being directed at them
2. Turn Up One's Nose Award .....for the player who refuses point blank to partner anyone deemed to be inferior , usually by expressing sheer contempt for lowly status and ranking
3. See No Further Than The End Of One's Nose Awards.....for any member guilty of a frightening lack of foresight , perception and discernment
4. With One's Nose In The Air Award......for the most arrogant , pompous, bastard who comes to the table with that high and mighty , haughty, self-righteous , holier-than-thou attitude
5. Put Someone's Nose Out Of Joint Award.....for the rebel , dissenter and renegade who successfully rocks others' boats , scuppering and thwarting their best laid plans
6. Cut Off One's Nose To Spite One's Face Awards.....for players who commit extremely aggressive acts out of pique or spite , quite prepared to incur greater harm to themselves should things get out of control
7. Get Up Someone's Nose Award ....for the errant pilot of a bridgemate with a penchant for flying the craft right up close to an opponent's nose
8. Pay Through The Nose Award .....for the dodgy professional who overcharges sponsors to such an extent police have been called in to launch investigations into obtaining money by , or under , false pretences
9. Lead Someone By The Nose Awards....for committee members most adept at persuading ordinary members to do as they are told and to vote accordingly
10. Rub Someone's Nose In It Award .....for the most unforgiving member who specialises in exposing the mistakes of others , by recalling what happened at the table in front of willing listeners looking to have a laugh at someone else's expense
11. Under One's Award Award .....for the dimwit who regularly misses clear-cut signals , obvious plays and blatant clues at the table, for no other reason except crass stupidity
12. No Skin Of My Nose Award.....for the member who happily picks a fight with another being utterly convinced that he/she will suffer no adverse effect