Thursday, 4 March 2010

BIGOT-JOHNSON UNDERGOES THERAPY................................
( This is a short extract borrowed from the confidential notes kept by Dr. John, as he tried to get to grips with Bigot's severe multiple personality disorder. )
DJ : So what do you remember about your parents before they suddenly disappeared from your life.........leaving you as a small disfigured child on the steps of the orphanage, without any letter or form of identification ?
B-J : Not much...because my mother spent most of her time cleaning all my soiled and sodden bed sheets and clothes, while I spent most of my time down in the cellar as part of my punishment. As for my father, I rarely saw him at all since he spent most of his time locked behind the toilet door trying to overcome a persistent and nagging problem of acute constipation.
DJ : You mean to say you never spent any time with your father ?
B-J : Oh...I wouldn't say that.....because I had many conversations with him through the wooden toilet door about all sorts of things.....but his constant grunting and groaning did make meaningful communication very difficult.
DJ : And what about your memories.... and experiences.....of the orphanage ?
B-J : I was extremely unhappy there. I was bullied, laughed at, mocked and rejected....
DJ : In the same way as you are at the bridge club ?
B-J : Not the orphanage my club feet were a huge source of embarrassment to me, but a huge source of entertainment to all the other kids. Thankfully, after a few corrective operations I became less of a freak. Nevertheless I was obliged to play with myself, which I did quite successfully with all my imaginary friends.......
DJ : Who now of course have all become your alter egos......which in turn explains why you have this multiple personality disorder ?
B-J : Possibly so...because some my troubles at the bridge club do stem from my violent mood swings, personality changes and unpredictable bouts of extreme behaviour.
DJ : Well...I never would have guessed.....
B-J : However, I firmly believe it's my bridge genius and outrageous arrogance....that rattle the cages of the bridge club members......far far more than my bullying, loud offensive behaviour, my blatant disregard for the rules, ethical codes of practice, etiquette and protocol.
DJ : You surprise me.....
B-J : And it's because I'm so good at the game ......that's the very reason why I want to be liked and respected......but I cannot stop my other selves from being the demons there are.
DJ : a child you allowed these demons to possess you, as a way of protecting yourself, and keeping your sanity....but now as an adult they are only out to destroy you and make you insane.
B-J : Hell're so right. So you can cure me then?............
DJ : Hell no....I'm a psycho-therapist not a exorcist !
B-J : Bugger

No comments: