THE FLYING BRIDGEMATE SAGA.....BIGOT RECALLS HIS STORY

Having just read Carp's story of the errant pilot who got expelled from his club, I can only reflect back on my own experience when I found myself "jettisoned" in the same way......but as luck with have it, I did manage to get re-instated on a wing and a prayer......as the following transcript my court appeal will explain.

BIGOT-JOHNSON v. OFFICERS OF THE BRIDGE CLUB COMMITTEE (2001)

Judge : Now let me get this straight....You were dismissed from your club because you took off one of your socks and wafted it under the nose of Percy Pantopod ?

B-J : Yes....

Judge : And this, I believe, was in response to an earlier remark you made to this person, that if he didn't stop his sniping you would "put a sock in it "......which presume was his offending mouth ?

B-J : Correct...

Judge : At this point Percy stood up alleging all sorts of things, which ultimately led him and his partner to submit written complaints that your behaviour was tantamount to an assault.....being an offensive and aggressive act.

B-J : That's about the gist of it....But what's worse..... is that they confiscated my sock as evidence !

Judge : And having a rather dubious reputation, the club committee, or should I say its officers, seized upon this god sent opportunity to sock it to you good and proper by issuing a life-long ban.

B-J : ( sobbing )...Yes...your honour....they stitched me up alright.....but darn it, I know my rights. Those joeys over there jumped to so many incorrect conclusions.......such was blatant nature of their kangaroo court !

Judge : So what you are saying.....please correct me if I'm wrong ........ is that not only were there insufficient grounds on which to impose the ultimate punishment, but the process by which they arrived at their decision was flawed.

B-J : Exactly

Judge : But you don't deny your actions did amount to inappropriate behaviour, possibly misconduct, that was petty, childish and petulant.

B-J : A tad over-the-top perhaps....a little rash,maybe.......but hey it achieved the desired effect

Judge : Well, it's not the sort of thing I would do......

B-J : But you have never come across the likes of Percy....

Judge : How smelly was the sock ?

B-J : Possibly the item in question was a tad offensive.....well, I do have problems with my feet

Judge : Did you intend to use it as a lethal weapon to inflict actual bodily harm ?

B-J : Absolutely not....

Judge : So I presume you wafted this sock under his nose purely as a theatrical statement to tell this Percy to button his mouth.

B-J : Yes...

Judge : Well, if that is the case, I cannot come to any other conclusion that the committee officers have failed to deliver an appropriate punishment to a rather petty and inappropriate act. As I result I am going to issue a mandatory order to have you re-instated as a member, along with damages of £3.70 to purchase a replacement pair of socks.

B-J : I love you, your honour. For once in my life I've actually won something...and I can't wait to hear what Percy will say........when he hears about this...

Judge : Well, what will he say ?

B-J : " Bugger "