THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY....................

• Congress : an act of union between two romantically inclined partners
• Top : a term usually referring to what you would like to do to a player who gets on your nerves
• Bottom : a synonym for "arse", being that useless and annoying type of member, who always ends up sitting on bridge club committees
• Nasty split : what a sponsor deservedly gets from the spoils of a prize-winning team performance. For instance, three hired professionals might walk away with say $4980 of the $5000 prize money, leaving the fat cat sponsor with $20 to pay for their taxi back to the hotel.
• Love all : an attitude never to be seen in any bridge club, anywhere in the world. This is the result of warring factions within the club memberships, where jealousy, resentment,and loathing of others constantly undermine all attempts to bring about a positive culture change.
• Bridgemate : another non-existent concept in that no such thing could ever materialize between two players, who hope to become "best friends "......... but make the fatal mistake of partnering each other
• Jargon : a term often used by bridge player, when euphemistically referring to a "thieving bastard", who has walked off with his pint of beer