Tuesday, 25 January 2011


At the Slaughter House BC Bigot-Johnson was creating for himself quite a reputation for completely losing his rag. As the self-appointed chairman and enforcer, the pressure of maintaining control was clearly getting to him. Often during a session he could be seen hurling bridgemates at his opponents, such was his exasperation over their stupidity, slow play, and unethical behaviour .
On one occasion, the bridgemate was thrown with such venomous force that it mercifully missed its intended target. However, the missile crashed through a large window pane , embedding itself in the trunk of a rather large oak tree.
" Damn and blast ", fumed Bigot who couldn't believe how he was able to miss such a huge fat obnoxious blob at such close range.
The TD was quickly summoned.....a young man renown for being a religious zealot and bible-basher. With Bigot still ranting and raving. the TD was clearly upset and annoyed by all his blasphemous outbursts. Unfazed by the fact he was dealing the club's founder and chairman, he decided that a stern warning was needed :
" Cursing and swearing is a cardinal sin ......for you know full well that such behaviour is not only vile and disgusting but it represents a serious breach of the club's rules ........and that more importantly.....God will punish you ".
" Bugger off ", snapped Bigot, " What the hell is Big G gonna do if I carry on swearing. .......send a thunderbolt down to destroy me ? "
Realising that this dreadful unashamed bully was impossible to deal with, the TD went away to write up a scathing report about him for the attention of the EBU. To every one's surprise, things settled down for the rest of the evening. However, just as Bigot was leaving the club by the front door, the TD approached him outside with a copy of the report. Just then , there was this almighty crash of thunder, and a huge shaft of fire hurtled towards the ground, missing Bigot by a matter of inches....but reducing the TD to a pile of dust.
" DAMN AND BLAST..... I MISSED ! ".................... boomed a voice from above .

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