Sunday, 22 August 2010

Many people have tried to discredit my methods but the facts speak for themselves. Bridge players have been forced to seek me out with their numerous psychological, personality, and behavioural disorders, simply because previously prescribed standard techniques have all failed. Bridge players' mental health problems are often so severe that dramatic and innovative interventions are called for. My methods may be frowned upon by the medical establishment, but they do work for the majority of my clients.
So rather than keep the bridge world in the dark, I intend over the next few days to reveal the therapies which have proved so successful. They may be unorthodox....... but extreme disorders require extreme methods.
Reverse Thinking :
If clients perceive their disorders simply by looking at so called normal players, it becomes imperative to get them to perceive their shocking and alarming symptoms as " normal ". This requires them of course to perceive the characteristics of normal people to be extremely abnormal. The theory behing this method of reverse thinking is based on R.D. Laing 's claim that " a normal person lives in the strait-jacket of conformity ".
Clients, of course, are not expected to change their weirdo ways, let alone their sick thoughts, feelings and behaviour, because after lining my pocket with gold they always leave my surgery happy in the knowledge that they......and only they..... are the lucky ones. Lucky in that they are completely free of the far more serious disorders, afflictions and mental health issues that affect everyone else !
Aversion Therapy :
Some clients , who clearly possess masochistic traits, seem quite happy to consent to this rather discredited form of treatment. Contracts are drawn up with clients that permit me, on every reported display of symptoms linked to a given diagnosis, to inflict upon them some some extremely painful punishments. These may include severe thrashings, or large withdrawals from their bank accounts. The pain that my clients experience, when these punishments are venomously carried out, will always over the long term bring about forced changes in both their behaviour and thought processes. Eventually, they become so conditioned to this alternative pain free way of " being ", the disorders that previously controlled their lives are confined to the past. The fact that their lives now become controlled by me seems to be of little concern to them. This of course is good news, with essential " refresher " sessions providing a never ending inflow of funds into my pension pot.

No comments: