SMART ARSE PARKING SOLUTIONS v. BIGOT-JOHNSON (2018)
Bigot decided he too could play the role of a smart arse and so decided to have a bit of fun at their expense . The inevitable conclusion to a long running dispute ended up in court with Bigot ready and prepared to expose yet another parking bully to ridicule and shame .
Counsel for the plaintiff (CP) : Is it true you parked your car without ever paying for a valid ticket ?
B-J : Not true.....
CP : Oh come now.....we have camera evidence of your car ....very slowly.... entering the site..... and then leaving several hours later......but no evidence of you ever buying a ticket
B-J : Of course I didn't buy a ticket.....what I brought onto the site was a fibre glass pedal-powered replica of a 1960's bubble car
CP : So you admit to parking up a car without paying.....taking up a valuable space which could have been taken by a paying motorist........depriving the company of potential revenue
B-J : The car park as always was near empty .......such is growing number of motorists vowing never to park there. The sheer extent of public outcry over the company's vile and pernicious behaviour Smart Arse Parking is now synonymous with " scumbags ". No revenue lost there. Moreover , the contraption I arrived in was nothing more than an over-dressed cycle.....which had the external appearance of a car but nothing else.Your terms and conditions only applied to car drivers ......which means of course they didn't apply to me.
CP : But it was a 4 wheeled vehicle with a driver inside .....and that in my book fits the description of a car
B-J : I'm afraid not.....you're reading from the wrong book . The contraption was a cycle. It was not powered by petrol, diesel or battery. There was no reverse gear. It had handlebar steering. There was no legal requirement to take out insurance. Moreover there was no legal requirement to have a MOT certificate or pay road tax.
CP : Your dead right on that last point. Finding out who was the owner proved very difficult indeed.....with there being no damn records of your vehicle registration number on the DVLA data base...... so Smart Arse Parking had to spend a small fortune hiring private detectives to track you down......money which we aim to recover in full.... here in this court
Judge : No chance of that........Bigot entered the car park on a cycle.........which according to your signage did not warrant any payment for parking there.
CP : But he used up one the parking bays
Judge : Well that act may constitute trespass but your case is about breach of contract and therefore I have no choice but to throw out your claim.
CP : Your Honour.....we have been shafted here by a very wicked and cunning man
Judge : Well that makes a refreshing change given the thousands of motorists shafted by your client's devious tricks and unethical practices. In fact when it comes to lack of morality Smart Arse Parking are right up there on top of the monkey tree.
CP : Oh dear.....when I report back to company's directors they are going to go ballistic
B-J : Don't you mean ape-shit...?
Judge : Nice one Bigot..