Thursday, 3 December 2009

SLOW PLAY AT BRIDGE : BIGOT-JOHNSON LOSES HIS RAG......... For pity's sake will someone explain to me why some players, despite their years of experience, still persist in taking oceans of time over how to bid and play a hand ? The number of times I've sat down at a table to witness the dithering, the dilly-dallying, the to-ing and fro-ing, the indecisiveness, which takes my breath away in disbelief and despair ..... has really got my dander up. I'm bloody convinced these brain-dead numskulls perceive time at a standstill. What can they be thinking about ? Are they looking for the bid or play of the century ? A master-stroke that is destined to win them approval and applause from above ? Are they contemplating a devilishly clever and deceptive manoeuvre that will bamboozle the opponents but hopefully not partner ? This quest for the wonder bid or marvellous play is never-ever in a million years ever likely to be found. And so what emerges is something of zero significance, being a typically bog-standard response at best . But oh, there I am suffering the agonising wait, while these players drift into a comatose state of prolonged and fruitless thought. Whatever the reasons for these periods of indecisiveness, they sit there like puddings, locking themselves away in the proverbial tank, remaining oblivious to the ticking of the clock, and deluding themselves over their ability to find the answers. Yet what makes my blood boil to a point I want to scream, is when a player on hearing his partner respond to an opening bid, appears to have no bloody idea as to what to do next. HAVEN'T THESE TOSSERS HEARD ABOUT THE PRINCIPLE OF PREPAREDNESS ? This simply states that whatever choice of opening bid you make, you have prepared sensible rebids for each likely response made by partner. Failure to do so is a crime, because if you have envisaged rebid problems over possible responses, then clearly your particular opening bid was ill-considered. I have reached a point now where I'm ready to kill slow players, because they more than bullies are turning this wonderful game into a living nightmare. They are selfish, inconsiderate, unsportsmanlike and dishonest. Their behaviour in my view is a form of cheating. They ought to know exactly what to do with the majority of bog standard hands that crop up time and time again. However, I would like to add that players, who do take time but then say produce a marvellously engineered squeeze have both my retrospective permission and ever-lasting respect. But bone-headed, dim-witted, slow players remain a permanent blot on the landscape. Unnecessary and pointless delays can only be regarded as blatant acts of provocative procrastination......and something needs to be done to combat this blight that is destroying this game.

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