BIGOT-JOHNSON IN TROUBLE AGAIN : BC DISCIPLINARY SUB-COMMITTEE HEARING No.78...............................................Following a recent intercity match Bigot-Johnson was ordered to attend a hurriedly convened hearing to explain his outburst as the non-playing captain. With the match result in the balance, the penultimate board 31 proved a disaster for the team. Both the N/S pairs came back with -600 on their card after the opposition on both their tables bid and made 3NT. Then, when the two E/W pairs returned they too had -600 on their cards having suffered the same result. Bigot could not contain himself, and accused them all of being complete idiots for collectively allowing 3NT to be made on every table....... by all of their opponents. A transcript of the short hearing was as follows.

Committe chairman (CC) : " Do you accept Bigot you were a little rash with your conclusions, and that your outrageous histrionics were out of order ? "

B-J : " Yes, of course I lost it.....but wouldn't you. How on earth was it possible that on 4 tables, the opponents bid and made 3NT on this same hand...... in every direction...N,S,E and W. It had to be impossible....unless idiots were defending."

CC : But it happened.....and there is no defence available whatsover to defeat 3NT, irrespective of who is on lead and what card is led at trick one. If you had bothered to look at the hand instead of sounding off, you would have seen that for yourself."

B-J : " I don't believe you...... I need to see this hand ? " ( At this point Bigot is shown the hand which revealed the following layout:

• North: Q109.....A8765432....KJ.....(void)
• East: KJ....(void)....A876542....Q109
• South: A8765432...Q109...(void)....KJ
• West: (void)....KJ...Q109....A8765432 )

CC : " So given the perfect symmetry, we only need to analyse one declarer, to see how 3NT makes on any lead. Take South for instance. On a club lead from West, declarer will take the trick pitching a spade from dummy ( North) to unblock the suit. And with the club suit blocked South can now turn to spades by playing low from both hands. Once in, East can switch to clubs but only two tricks are possible in this suit for the defence. Again with East back on lead, he can only lead a diamond back. This allows entry to the North hand, and now the spade can be overtaken by South to rattle off 7 winners in this suit to make the contract. And should West lead a heart...or a diamond.......well, if it's the latter then declarer is able to unblock the hearts, and with both diamonds and hearts blocked for the defence, declarer has time to set up hearts and harvest 9 tricks. On a heart lead, declarer rattles off 3 hearts, before playing the Ace of spades and another. Now with a third spade as entry, he cannot be stopped from gaining access to all those lovely hearts in dummy. "

B-J: " Well, I never....so If any one of my players had got in a no trump bid ....and be allowed to play there..... then 9 tricks were always there for the taking."

CC : " Yes..."

BJ: " Well, all I can say is that my team of bumbledogs should have sacrificed in 4NT for a cheap -200 save."

CC : " Good point....but that observation doesn't alter the fact that your dreadful behaviour requires us to strip you of your captaincy, and impose a one year ban on you with respect to having any involvement in intercity matches. "

BJ: " Bugger......."