REBECCA ROOD'S MAILBAG............................

Dear Rebecca, I am thinking about producing a book based upon the stuff that has appeared on the blog bizarrebridgeworld. It would be a compilation of all my articles, along with Dr. John's case notes and Pun's frivolous fantasies. Please find enclosed a draft copy for you to read, and I would welcome your opinions and views as to its literary merit and market appeal. Yours a living legend, Howard Bigot-Johnson

Dear Bigot, I was quite flattered to be asked, but the book did not impress. It did very little for me. I can see you have tested the waters with your off-the-wall mad-cap blog, but you are fooling yourself if you expect the wider bridge community to ever consider adding such an abomination to their library collection. It would be an embarrassment to them. So allow me to make these observations.

The gruesomeness of Dr. John's case notes on bridge playing stereo-types ( with their appalling disorders and afflictions ) beggars belief. Far too many people will choose to view his material as complete psycho-mumbo-jumbo. Many will engage their self-denial defensive mechanisms to avoid seeing themselves in his diagnostic dialogue. Those that do recognise themselves will not be pleased or amused. Dr. John's articles represent the horror of all horror shows, and I can assure you that bridge players in general are a cowardly and squeamish lot. I ask you would a condemned man really want to know the precise details of what he will experience, when the trap-door opens, the rope tightens, only to find himself thrashing around in the air for just a few remaining seconds of his life. I think not.

As for Pun and his fantasy bridge stories, involving fictional and historical characters, there is far too much emphasis on lewd double entendres. The man must be depraved in some way, if not childish, and I can tell you that bridge players have no desire whatever to sit down with a book full of gutter humour. They are far more refined. And even when his puns are clean, they are usually predictable and limp.

So what can I say about your articles. Well, occasionally you do touch upon interesting and controversial issues, but the reader has a right to expect a balanced debate within the discussions, along with accurate and relevant observations. Your distorted and extremely prejudiced view of the game reveals a mind which is both dangerous and insane. You are the master of clap-trap, nonsense and lies. Most of your material is in bad taste, and people will not pay good money to buy a book contaminated by the rants and thoughts of a lunatic.

If such a book was ever made available in the shops for general consumption, it would ridicule the game of bridge beyond repair. I would doubt very much anyone buying such a book which clearly is the product of a warped and twisted mind. However, if you can find a publisher, who specialises in books on revolution, rebellion, anarchy and nihilism......you might have half a chance. Yours Rood as ever Rood