REBECCA ROOD'S MAILBAG..................................................

Dear Rebecca, The recent articles by Dr. Sigmund T. Schukelgruber on cheating were a breath of fresh air. Far too little is said about a subject which remains a serious problem within the game of bridge. Thankfully however, cheats eventually get caught out and exposed, and in my view cheats never prosper. That fact I know to my detriment. Years ago my partner and I devised an illegal bidding system based entirely on body-functioning noises, so that by coughing, sneezing, clearing my throat, nose blowing,etc, I could provide him useful information regarding particular features about my hand ( and vice versa ). For instance a psychic spade was always accompanied by a throat clearing cough. We thought it was foolproof until that fatal day when we took part in a big competition. It was then my partner got a bad cold with uncontrollable symptoms. Needless to say, my head was put into a complete spin, and nearly every board we competed on resulted in a galactic bottom. Yours full of remorse, Shamus Tadeth

Dear Shamus, This letter came as a real shock, but thanks for being so honest.... and as it appears.... repentant. However, as illegal bidding systems go it was both dreadful... and doomed to fail. Cheating if it is be successful requires subtlety, inventiveness, variation, and finesse. Since most bridge players lack these particular skills, the risk of sophisticated, foolproof cheating systems ever being developed is almost down to zero percent. Yours rudely awakened by your revelations, Rood