Monday 25 January 2010

HOW TO MAKE BRIDGE SOUND MORE EXCITING......... ( Article by Professor Hu Chi Ku Chi )
Let's get real. The reason why bridge appears to ordinary folk as a staid, sombre and serious affair is simply this: it is talked about by players in such a way as to bore most outsiders rigid. Not so with poker players who can make their game sound extremely exciting and hugely appealing. Of course, in poker the characters are intriguing, the stakes are high, the tension unbearable...and the drama spell-binding.....but its the language they use in their conversations, which helps make the game sound really good. The terms they use to describe each other are both colourful and imaginative.....terms which bring conversations alive.........terms which add imagery, humour and excitement to the stories. So until bridge players invent a vocabulary of their own, then nothing will change the drab and dreary image of bridge. So I appeal to everyone, who wants to remove that label of " boring bridge raconteur", to adopt and use the following vocabulary :
Angle shooter - one who takes unfair advantage of another
Goose - a silly player
Blind robber - someone with a weak hand who forces his opponents out of the bidding
Good man - skilled cheat
Elephant - player who plays too many hands
Heavy - a big time player
Greenhorn - a new player
Guppy - a little fish
Hustler - a player who takes advantage of fooling opponents into believing he's weak
Jesse James - a bluffer
Grinder - someone who plays a slow, careful and extremely tight game
Needle artist - one who verbally angers another, often through sarcasm
School buddies - a group of players who always play together
Zombie - a player who seems to have no emotions
Shark - a ruthless, high proficient player
Automatic - someone who automatically raises the bidding every game, irrespective of his holding
Bear - an extremely tight player...never known to offer gifts of any kind
Bulldozer - player who raises too often
Jonah - player cursed with bad luck
Low man on the totem pole - player destined to lose
Bumble puppy - a clueless novice
Flat - a crooked player
Chump - a sucker
Dog - an underdog, someone favoured to lose
Clown - a dreadful player
Jackal - crazy, illogical and unpredictable player
Circus tent - a bunch of clowns at the same table
Squawker -one who complains about losing
Maniac - loose aggressive player who bids far too much
Horse - prone to make silly plays
Cowboy - a fast and reckless bidder
Hardrock - extremely difficult player to beat
Crier - one who complains a lot while playing
Mouse - someone who bids too conservatively
Culbertson - a bridge player who plays poker
Shirley - a timid player
Ear bender - an excessively talkative player
Quack - a noisy complaining player when losing
SFB - someone who has shit for brains
Speedbump - who who slows the game down
Table captain - a control freak at the table
Stiff - someone other players leave for dead
Retarded pit bull - won't stop bidding once he's got the bit between his teeth
Sheriff - someone who calls the TD to ensure the rules are adhered to
Coffeehouser - one who attempts to mislead opponents by table antics
Hollywood - a player whose acting skills can fool opponents as to what they hold

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