LAW REPORT : R v BIGOT-JOHNSON (2010)

( Unbelievably, Bigot-Johnson was in the dock again facing various charges of double-crossing his partner. These actions resulted in his partner losing out on a great deal of prize money. A short extract from the trial's transcript appears below.)

• Prosecutor : I put it to you Bigot-Johnson, you double-crossed your partner time and time again in a major bridge competition........actions which resulted in you and your partner missing out on a substantial amount of prize money......... prize money that could have more than covered his costs of hiring you as the professional.
• B-J : Absolute rubbish.....everyone marvels at my bidding prowess and tactical awareness. Surely, it's not a crime to take a risk or two,,,,,now and again. Anyway, paying to play with me is a privilege ....not an expense.
• Prosecutor : Allow me to explain the meaning of " double-cross" in the context of bridge. This occurs when you have a limited hand, but in fits of unbridled optimism you proceed to bid as if you possessed much more.
• B-J : Might I point out that all players from time to time overbid their hands......
• Prosecutor : Overbidding is one thing......double crossing partner is another. Can you recall the time you opened 1NT which your partner then took out into 2 hearts. But when the opponents came in with 3 spades, you ....yes you.....unilaterally decided that with a 4 card heart support you could raise to 4H. This was doubled, 3 off, for minus 500 and a complete bottom.
• B-J : Unfortunately, yes.
• Prosecutor : Can you also recall the hand, when you made a pre-emptive 3D opening bid......only to bid again over the opponents 3S. Your 4D bid was also doubled for minus 300, which was a complete disaster since 3S was doomed to fail.
• B-J : Yes, that result did stick in my craw a bit....
• Prosecutor : And not content with that...you decided....... on at least three occasions after initially passing with a depressingly poor hand.... to enter the bidding later on..... as if by magic you discovered a missing king or Ace from somewhere. These belated bursts of support for partner simply pushed him into unmakeable contracts. Indeed on one occasion, your late optimistic charge simply pushed the opponents into bidding and making a game contract they would not have otherwise reached.
• B-J : Yes...partners never seem to have what I would like them to have....
• Prosecutor : You are incorrigible............................for you are one who is on trial for making such crass and hollow bids, none of which were sound....none of which could be unjustified
• B-J : Yes....I may have erred a tad here and there....
• Prosecutor : Indeed, your partner played out of his skin that day, and was only denied a share of the prize money because of your double-crossing antics. So what is your reply now to all these accusations ?
• B-J : Hmmm...I need time to consider this question....

( For two minutes there is total silence in the court as Bigot goes into the tank )

• Prosecutor : Well...we're waiting.....What is it
• B-J : .......Bugger.....bugger....bugger....