It came as no surprise to the members of the Slaughter House BC that their outrageous chairman had been brought before the Doncaster Crown Court, on a charge of indecent exposure. True to form Bigot turned up to court in just the very same mac, on the pretext that he might be asked by the prosecuting counsel to " re-enact " the alleged offence. Thankfully, to the relief of all those present, this requirement was shelved as Bigot choose not to dispute the facts. As usual he elected to conduct his own defence. A short extract from tthe trial's transcript appears below .
PC : So you agree ....you did flash your naked body to three ladies standing outside your club premises ?
B-J : That's what I said.....but my actions did not amount to a crime.........since they were not indecent.......just a little bit of harmless fun
PC : Well, Bigot....let's look at how the law goes about defining " indecent ". The word, I agree, is difficult to define in precise terms. However, the law has managed to get around any difficulties by being very specific as to its consequences. Under the Sexual offences Act 2003 the law makes it a crime for a man....to expose his genitals. Not only is the actus reus that precise.....but for a conviction, the exposure must be intentional and the culprit must intend that someone will see.... and be caused " alarm or distress "
B-J : Really ?
PC : Indecent acts therefore are contrary to local moral or other standards of appropriate behavior. In essence, they are contrary to standards adopted by religious and moral people, or contrary to the standards necessary to keep and maintain public order
B-J : Yes...yes....yes...
PC : Your actions clearly amounted to gross exhibitionism.......using your nude body in public to shock and offend onlookers.......OPENLY challenging community standards of modesty
B-J : That's all well and good ranting on like that........ but let me tell you that the male human form is a thing of beauty.....designed by God himself
PC : Not in your case.......... if the descriptive comments in the witness statements are anything to go by !
B-J : Yes, but everyone outside the club seemed to be laughing and thoroughly enjoying themselves
PC : Laughter....is often used as a coping strategy to deal with shock and distress
B-J : Ah.....but what about a citizen's right to use whatever means of communication he has available to him ? Do we not live in a society that believes in freedom of speech, and freedom of expression ?
PC : But the 3 visiting lady players had only asked you to point them in the direction of the entrance door. Using "Percy Pecker " as a pointer was..... to say the least........ highly inappropriate , given that a normal person would have used their arm and finger
B-J : Well, I guess my final defence comes down to the fact that half of my bridge club members have no moral standards whatsoever. No way can these people claim to be offended by my behaviour. Why.......they are nothing more than a bunch of freeloaders, cheats, abusers, bullies and back-stabbers, full of sexist and racists attitudes....... and to call them geriatric misfits would be a gross understatement. As for the other bloody half...... they have had so many years of witnessing, or falling victim to, their grotesque crimes, they have become so numbed by the experience nothing now is capable of shocking them..............
PC : By God you're right....
Judge : Too right....why my next door neighbour is a bridge player.....and he is forever abandonning and neglecting his family...... by going off to play bridge every night and every weekend. Such a selfish, heartless, amoral bastard. As far as I'm concerned this case is well and truly over......... and you Bigot are free to go. However, I must remind you to keep that mac buttoned up, because out there.... in the streets of Doncaster are decent ordinary folk..... who would certainly be prepared to kill...... if ever provoked or offended by the likes of you
B-J : Bugger me your honour.......thanks for the warning
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