Months of research have enabled me to identify the top 20 characteristics shared by the majority ( around 80% ) of club players, who fit the description of being " bog standard and ordinary ".
Such a player ........
1. Has no other meaningful existence outside bridge
2. When not playing bridge spends most of the time thinking about bridge
3. Regarded by family and friends as having an obsessive compulsive disorder
4. Well over 50, usually retired, having reached an age when sex ceases to offer a viable, and satisfying, alternative
5. Grumpy and obstinate
6. Prefers a mental challenge to a physical one
7. Nocturnal by nature, only venturing out at night
8. Careful with money, preferring duplicate bridge to rubber bridge
9. Likes the idea of developing regular partnerships that don't involve financial and emotional commitments
10. Loves to engage in highly ritualised forms of non-physical combat
11. Keeps persevering with the game despite appalling limitations in terms of flair, skill, and table presence
12. Regards any top half finish as a real achievement
13. Believes that slating partner is the best way to improve his/her game
14. Believes that being slated by partner is nothing more than sadistic bullying
15. Is able and willing to reconcile the existence of anti-social behaviour in a friendly and social setting
16. Defines "coups " as places where chickens are kept
17. Looks at a 7 loser hand opposite his partner's 6 loser hand to conclude that with a total 13 tricks to lose his best bid is to pass
18. Harbours false notions that teaching bridge will elevate his/her status to that of an expert
19. Wallows joyously in having attained Regional Master status, oblivious to the fact it took 4000 tournament events to obtain the 25 green points qualification
20. Finds with unerring accuracy the only way to go down in a seemingly straightforward contract
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