Sunday, 27 February 2011

BIGOT TAKES HIS FIRST ACADEMY BRIDGE CLASS........... ( The irrepressible Bigot-Johnson has now turned his hand to teaching those blessed with flair and potential to excel at the game. His first teaching goal though was to get across to his students the most essential skill that a bridge player needs. )
" Well've already had a look at the basics of bidding and card play, but this lesson is all about the importance of observation and recall.
You cannot afford to miss anything you see, or anything you hear. Take note of all the bidding. The inadvertent tells of your opponents comments, body language and facial expressions. Take note of the order in which they play their cards, their signalling methods, what suits they lead and what suits they don't lead. Every little detail and inference you can glean about a board enables you to build up the big picture of where the missing cards might be. You must overlook nothing.
So allow me to give you a little demonstration..................In front of me I have a glass of rat's urine. I see that it's yellow. I can detect its putrid smell, and no doubt the taste of it will be utterly revolting. "
The students gasped in sheer belief when Bigot proceeded to dip his finger into the liquid only to put it straight into his mouth. Then, without warning he suddenly pointed to a young man to join him at the front of the class.
" You sir must repeat exactly what I said and what I did ."
The poor distraught student was horrified at the thought of missing out on even the smallest detail, but he decided to give it his best shot. Remarkably, he remembered almost word for word Bigot's preamble but now came the finger tasting bit of the demonstration. He slowly and carefully dipped his finger into the liquid. Then in a flash he lifted it out, quickly plunging the dripping yellow stained digit straight into his mouth.
" Now " , smirked Bigot, " that was very interesting. Here I am talking about the importance of observation and recall, yet this idiot failed to notice something so glaringly obvious. You see.... I dipped my second finger into the urine, but it was my third finger which I put into my mouth. "

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