BIGOT'S AT IT AGAIN...................... ( A nearly true story by Bridgemeister Gibson )
Not so long ago Bigot's distraught and shell-shocked partner flew off at the end of the session vowing never to return to the club again. Bigot was mortified: she was his only realistic chance of blagging a lift home. Yet sitting there in the corner of the bar was Percy Pantopod. As it turned out his was the only vehicle left in the car park, and what's more his journey home took him by Bigot's house. So using all his best, well honed, groveling and begging techniques, all coated with huge dollops of feigned charm and reconciliation promises, Bigot managed to persuade the initially reluctant Percy to give him a lift.
But it wasn't long before he was screaming at his arch-enemy to put his foot down. As soon as Percy did, they were stopped by a following police car. One of the officers stepped out to have a word with the errant driver.
Officer : I would like to point out sir, you were doing in excess of 50mph in a 30mph speed zone
Percy : No I wasn't....
Bigot : Yes you were....I was right impressed when you touched nearly 8o mph going down Dixon street a few moments ago
Officer : And I must also give you a ticket for having a defective rear light
Percy : I don't understand....... it was working fine when I drove the car to the club
Bigot : You moron, didn't you notice the broken glass in the car park, where some trespassing yobbo had chosen your car at random just to smash in the rear light......no doubt, with a small silver hammer, very similar to the one I carry in my inside pocket
Officer : Finally, I'm also going book you for not wearing your seat belt
Percy : But I always wear my seat belt when I'm driving ..... I only took it off after I had stopping the car as instructed
Bigot : Well Percy, how come you're always harping on about not wearing seat belts because you can't get them over your grotesquely fat beer belly ?
At this point of the conversation, Percy was now fuming. So he turned on Bigot and landed a blow right on his jaw. The officer jumped back in amazement. Then in a warm and sympathetic way he looked at the victim of this unprovoked attack , anxious to get an answer.
Officer : My dear man, does he always behave like this towards you ?
Bigot : Yes...... indeed he does......especially when he's drunk !