LAW REPORT: BIGOT-JOHNSON v BOZO THE CLOWN (1999) This rather unusual case involved the resurrection of an ancient old common law crime long thought defunct and obsolete. In a private prosection Bigot-Johnson took his own partner to court in an action that shocked the bridge world to the core. Below is a short extract from the transcripts of the Old Bailey trial, where Bozo The Clown was indicted for preserving his honour......in circumstances that bordered on gross negligence and serious misconduct. The incident took place on December 13th 1998 at the Cardinal Bridge Club.

• B-J: The prosection alleges .....being me of course.... that the idiot sitting in the dock ......that bozo of a clown .....that ex-partner of mine....that useless dopey-eyed rabbit .....is guilty of the most heinous crime ever to be perpetrated at the bridge tables......being the most outrageous act of preserving of his honour. During one crucial team match, the accused had a golden chance to save our first division status , if only he had managed to defeat the opposition's 3NT contract. Because of his failure to do what any decent, sane , sensible bridge player would have done with his cards, we cruelly lost the match by a cat's whisker....... to be ridiculed and shamed by the ignominy of relegation.
• Judge: Please explain to the court Bigot exactly what Bozo did?
• B-J: Indeed I will your Lordship......indeed I will..................South was in 3NT with the followings cards in dummy: 963.......A632............874............AKJ.................opposite his: QJ10....... K10.........KQ1096.........Q109
• I, sitting left of declarer held : A7542......J73......J32......75, whilst bozo the clown came up with: K8.....Q984......A5......86432
• Judge: Well tell the court what happened?
• B-J: At trick one I led my 4th highest spade (standard lead) which my partner took with the king. Back came a spade to my Ace and a third round of spades put declarer in with the queen. At this point my chances of getting back in depended on me winning with one of my jacks. But this was possible, if Bozo over there had sufficient wit and foresight to jettison his Ace of diamonds under declarer's queen of spades! However, because he didn't declarer went twice over to dummy with clubs, to lead diamonds up to his own king/queen . Bozo had to take his Ace at the second time of asking, and so declarer made the contract plus one with 3 clubs, 4 diamonds, 2 hearts and 1 spade. If Bozo had jettisoned the Ace of diamonds on the third round of spades, declarer was restricted to eight tricks only, because I would get in with the jack of diamonds to enjoy two more spade winners.
• Judge: But how was Bozo to know that was what he had to do?
• B-J: Because no other line of defence was available . His duty was to try to create a possible entry for me. This is failed to do. Preserving his honour was a dispicable act of misconduct which needs to be punished.
• Judge: Well, I was always told Aces were for biffing kings.....not to randomly lob away
• B-J: Upon my soul.....you're a bad as him......
• Judge: I've heard enough......this action is a frivolous waste of the court's time and is born out of sour grapes. I recommend to the jury that Bozo....the clown that he may be.....is innocent of any criminal charges.
• B-J: Bugger